Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
