I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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