I'm going to jail i love you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
