So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
whose ass print is on the piano?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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