u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
