she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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