singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im holly from the hills drunk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
