I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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