Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
