He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
