hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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