I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
