haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
