dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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