it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
