I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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