Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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