your parents love me but you hate me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
