is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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