I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
