Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
