my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
