I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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