hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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