And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
