My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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