What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
