Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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