who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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