This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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