I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
