There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
