yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
