FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
