How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
