PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
