Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
