Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
