Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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