I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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