i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You have to summon your inner elephant
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
