thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
