Duck Duck Cougar?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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