Someone shit on the floor
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
