Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
