drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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