Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
