I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
