U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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