Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
