and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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