tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
3 2 1 whiskey
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
