Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
