so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
