I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
