he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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