Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
