Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
