if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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