You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
