I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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