is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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