We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
