I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
