you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
