she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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