I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
