Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
