I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
