Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
