so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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