I'm really into asian looking animals
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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