TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is my gift to your gina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
