Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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