Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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