I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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