Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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