yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
