If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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