i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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