I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
