It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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