My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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