Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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